You're listening to what's the Deal Groceal, the podcast that explores the people, places, history and events that make Grocel unique. I'm your host, Ben FOET. Back in September, we talked with the Groceral Historical Society about the events they put on for the community. Most of the events relate to the history of the island and the region. An event they're putting on in February goes a bit further, tying together history and and concerns of modern life. That event is a one woman show starring Brita Miller titled Mrs. Kelly's Journey Home. The Historical Society is putting it on on February 5 at 07:00 P.m at the Trenton Theater. You want to get tickets ahead and as always, links are in the episode notes. Our conversation covers a lot of territory, including theater awards, elder care and story slams. Let's hear more.

Rita Kelly Miller is with us to talk about the show Mrs. Kelly's Journey Home, which will be at the Trenton Theater on February 5, and it's being sponsored by the Gross Yell Historical Society. I'm really looking forward to seeing it and I want to hear so much more about your work. Thanks for being on the show.

Oh, thank you, Ben. I am absolutely delighted to be here.

Now, the Historical Society's flyer about the play tells us that Mrs. Kelly is an Irish immigrant and that will meet her and the people in her life. So where does her journey take her?

So her journey is from Dublin to Detroit and my mom was an unwilling immigrant, if you will. You know, in those days, the husband made in in many traditional Irish marriages, the husbands made the decision and my mom, they were living in Dublin. My dad was a printer at the Irish Independent, a Dublin newspaper, and she was a homemaker, had three young boys. Her. She'd never left Dublin. I don't think she made no, I think her her honeymoon was in Galway, but she'd never left Ireland. And her family, all of her friends were there. And one day my dad came home from work and said they were moving to America.

Wow.

Yeah.

Any reason for moving to America?

Just well, it was the 1950s and jobs were scarce and they wanted a better future. My dad wanted a better future for his boys and he made this decision that this is what he wanted to do. And it didn't sit well with his brothers. You know, they for years held a grudge that, oh, Ireland is not good enough for Tommy. And he ended up getting a job in Toronto at the Toronto Star, and that was his route to get to the States. Because, honestly, when he got to Canada, it was a total shock to his system because my father was a very proud Irishman. And here he is in Canada, surrounded by the Brits and pictures of the Queen everywhere. And he said he saw signs that said no Irish. You need apply and he couldn't get to America fast enough, honestly.

Wow. It's a family story. What resonates with you with it that makes you want to tell the story?

I I think a lot of it is, you know, it's in two parts. You know, there's act One, which is all about my parents arriving in America and the adjustment, and one of the points that I make is that my parents, they had huge advantages when they came to this country. They were white, they spoke English, and most people found their accents charming rather than foreign. And and I really struggle, you know, I try to keep that in mind when I hear someone struggling with English, and I remind myself they know more languages than I do, but talking about the small things, the small experiences that they had adjusting to life in America and they're wonderful. They're funny, they're wonderful stories. And I've learned, I thought only people who liked Irish stories, the things about Ireland might enjoy it, and I've been pleasantly surprised to hear how many people say that's my mom on the stage, or that's exactly the way my grandparents that was their experience from Poland or from Africa or from other countries. So it's really, really great fun.

Absolutely. And Detroit has so many immigrant populations that that gels with I'm sure.

Yeah. Well, it was a gateway, I think, with the border to Canada might have been part of it. I don't know.

So you said that's the first part is about that part, and then the.

Second part, the second part, my mom's journey goes in ways that no one really can plan. She's a widow at this point. She it's late in life, and she has some health issues, and she develops vascular dementia, and the tables are turned, and I become her caregiver. And I didn't know what I didn't know. All I knew was that I loved my mom. I had no training. And so it was a rude awakening in in many ways. And so I wrote these stories about some of the experiences I had and and as a cautionary tale, you know, when I didn't take care of myself and I got burned out and exhausted and I was in the sandwich generation caring for three young teenagers. I had an office in my home. My husband was working midnights, and I had my mom, who was now in her 80s, with dementia, all living in my household. So I had the worst of both worlds. I never got to leave, but I learned things, and then I started helping other family caregivers and telling the stories. But the thing is, dementia did not define my mother, and dementia does not define this play. But it's an important part of it because it was part of her journey and then because I was her caregiver, part of my journey and the lessons that I learned from my experience. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and the best thing I've ever done.

Wow.

Yeah.

And I'm sure that makes it an even more powerful story there.

Yeah. And really the power of finding the goodness even during really hard times and about family connections and end of life. I have to tell you, it's the best thing I've ever done. I'm so proud of it.

It sounds like you should be. You can't wait to see it. So the show we talk about, who's the primary audience? Is it suitable for all ages? Is there anybody who's not going to really get it?

I think small children might be bored because there's no puppets or anything, really. And it is just me. And I play four different primary characters. I play my mom, I play myself as narrator, my mom, my dad, who else? My mom's neighbor, Mrs. Wilson, who was the American who helped my mom just evolve and her growth. They joined the Christian Mother's group at church and she learned Transcendental Meditation and they went to see the musical Hair in downtown Detroit. And they joined now the National Organization for Women and had adventures in Northern Michigan, feeding the bears at the dump and just all the life changing experiences that my mom had as a result. And then a few other characters are interspersed and I play them all. I don't change costumes. There's no set change. It's through mannerisms, through vocal inflection, and it's a hoot. So I don't know, little kids would really enjoy it so much.

And obviously you wrote and you performed the show and it's received many, many great reviews, including earning you the Wild Award for Best One Person Show. How has that been?

I'm gobb spect, as my mother would say. I certainly didn't expect that. I'm so grateful for the people that have told me that they enjoyed the show, the critics who have been so kind. But I'll tell you, the most powerful thing is when there was a woman who came up to me and who said the words that I have come to fear because I don't want to hurt heard anyone's failings. And she said, you don't remember me, do you? Help me? And she said, we took Irish dancing lessons together when we were ten. And I said, oh, yeah. But actually I did remember her. That when she made the connection. Anyway, she had recently moved back to the Detroit area to care for her 93 year old mom, who was not doing well. She told me in an email after the show how powerful it was and how so many of her mom was an Irish immigrant as well, but how many of the stories really resonated with her, but how it helped her as her mom's caregiver. And it relieved so much of the guilt that she felt. Because here's one of the biggest things I've learned about being a family caregiver of a person with dementia. No matter how good you are, no matter how hard you work, how you think of everything, all the resources, all the medical professionals, if you're a person who's used to getting the job done, making things happen, you're a fixer. This can't be fixed. And so many people feel guilty because their loved one is still declining, or that what worked today isn't working today. So they think, oh, I'm doing this wrong. What can I do? How can I help? And it's so frustrating. It's exhausting, it's overwhelming, and people don't talk about it. And so I'm hoping that through Mrs. Kelly's journey home, that when we see a person with dementia, we realize the dementia is not who they are or who they were, or it is not the totality of them as an individual. And the people who care for them need support and need help because it's so hard. And people, when they tell me they feel seen, they feel heard, that they learn things, and that they have a laugh, and they have a different attitude about hospice, about end of life, and about being a caregiver, that's the biggest reward that I get. But I certainly appreciate the reviews and the awards and things like that.

Yeah, it sounds like that. That's the kind of review that will stick with you for a while, and then nobody will see. I'm sure a lot of your audience isn't in that position now, but maybe sometime, even if they're a teenager now, it may be something that carries.

Roslyn Carter. There is a Roslyn Carter Caregiver Institute in Atlanta, Georgia. And I love this quote from Roslyn Carter. She said, there are four kinds of people in the world those who were caregivers, those who are caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers. There you go.

Covers everybody. So everybody should go to the show, I think. So we'll have links to get tickets and all that in the show notes there.

And it's not a downer. I mean, people tell me it's warning, bring tissues because your eyes will leak, I'm pretty sure. But then the next minute you'll be laughing. And I hope that you leave after you see the show uplifted and a bit lighter about some of the heavier things in life, because it's inevitable, and we might as well find the goodness when we're dealing with really tough things.

Oh, for sure. And now, besides this play, you also do some speaking about caregiving directly, not through the play, but through just keynotes and such, I understand.

Yeah. I work as a professional speaker, have been doing it for over a decade. And whether it's healthcare organizations or senior organizations or any organization done conferences and events for social workers, for people who spend their lives serving others. My focus is talking about self care and finding the light during really dark times. Because one of the lessons we've learned from our experience with COVID is that it's overwhelming when you are caring for others. And those people who are in the position of providing that care need to take care of themselves so they can be their best self. And when they give everything they have to other people, they need to find ways to recharge their own batteries to really be able to be there for others. And caregivers are the worst when it comes to taking care of themselves because I think they feel guilty. They feel it's selfish, like, how dare I go get a massage when mom can't even leave the house? Or I can't go on a weekend vacation, they can't go out. They're so selfish of me. And I want to help people look at it from a different point of view to say if being your best self, being agile in your brain and being physically healthy means you can take care of others with kindness and compassion and resourcefulness and all the things you need when you are being a caregiver. There's nothing selfish about that. It's the right thing to do.

Yeah, absolutely. It's probably a good lesson for everybody. Doesn't matter what kind of care you're taking of anything. Take care of yourself first. Just like on the airplane, right? You put your mask on first. So these are some really important stories. If we're tied up on February 5, what's another way we can hear this show or see this show or other options to see you at work?

Well, if you go to my website, Britamiller.com, there are links to some video clips about the show if you want to get a taste to see what it's about. There are a series of videos. I have a YouTube channel that's on Breedet TV. I need to update that. But I'm working on also some other dates in Michigan, in Mid Michigan and Grand Rapids. Nothing that I can talk about yet because they're still working out the logistics of it.

Sure.

But I do have a performance in June in the Upper Peninsula. Where is it? Picurtis, Michigan. There is a beautiful new theater that unfortunately they built this gorgeous multimillion dollar performance center right before COVID and then had to shut it down. So now it's back open and I've not been there yet. It looks gorgeous. So that's June 22.

I'm sure it has that new theater smell.

Yeah. And there's a show coming up that I'm very excited about in Chicago on June 10. No. Sorry. March 10 in Chicago at the Beverly Arts Center. And then we're heading to Florida for some performances in Vero Beach and Tampa in February, so yeah, things are really coming together.

Oh, that's great. Yeah, I know. I saw something from you on the moth radio hour or the story hour. And they've got a YouTube channel, so you're on there too, so that's a good place. We've got a link to that in the show notes along with your website there. So the Moth, that's a big thing. I'm not sure how many folks on Grocereal listened to The Moth, but it's been on my playlist for a while. What was that experience like?

It was amazing. I try not to overuse that word. I know it's banned now, but it really was an incredible experience. I had this idea for a story which is incorporated in the play. It's one of my very favorite stories and I thought it was pretty good. And so I went to a Moth story slam in Ann Arbor and you you put your name in the hat and you hope they're going to draw you. And no prep, no coaching, no warning. You have like three minutes to know you're going to be going on stage. And then you get up to the microphone and it's go and you have five minutes to tell your story. And they start playing music at six minutes and they don't have a hook. Hook. The comes outstage pretty close and then at the end the audience votes. And that night in 2012, my story took it to heaven won. And I was thrilled. And then a couple of months later, I got a phone call out of the blue and it was a producer from New York of the national radio show The Moth Radio Hour, which is on most public radio stations across the country, and said, we want to use this story, the recording of it from the Ann Arbor story slam on the radio. And so they did, and they've rebroadcast it quite a few times. So I think people like it and it's in their archive and you can watch it just putting yourself out there. You have an opportunity. Do you have a story that you think is good? And it was terrifying, but I did it and I'm so grateful that I did.

Yeah, I think they still do a lot of that, either like Firmdale or Royal Oak or something they do in Detroit.

I know it's monthly in Ann Arbor. I'm not sure if it's every month or even twice a month because they sell tickets to it and it's great fun.

Yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun and sounds like it did a lot of good for you.

It did.

That's great. And we haven't talked about this yet, but the last thing I ask every guest on the podcast is for a wish for Groceal, for the the community, pretty much any any kind of wish you want to make thinking thinking about a brighter future. What kind of wish would you make for Grocel or maybe Metro Detroit?

Well, I have such fondness for grocery. My husband and I lived there for eight years before moving out. We now live west of Ann Arbor. And in fact, just yesterday I was on the island. We had a family Christmas holiday at my brother in law's house and they live on Park Lane. And we did a little drive around the island. Just hadn't seen it in so long. It's so beautiful. It's such a gem. And my wish for gross deal is just continued protection of the beauty of the island and continued resources for people living on the island. I mean, just the bike paths, they're beautiful. When we lived there, they were just getting started, getting built. But for people to be able to honor and appreciate the beauty that is grizzly is such a special place. And in fact, my husband and I were talking to our daughter and her boyfriend about, maybe you guys should move here. Wouldn't this be great? Because then we could have more to come back to grow steel.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, that's that's great. I I think we all we all agree with that for sure. The beauty I i remember a story someone told me that during a football playoff game, a team from from west of Detroit had come in on the buses. And it was during that season in the fall when the so swans occupy that area around the toll bridge, and the boys on the football team on the bus, when they got off the bus, were amazed. They'd never seen swans before. And the beauty of coming onto the island, we just have such an opportunity here that we take for granted.

That's always great. We take it for granted until we go somewhere else or we invite people who've never been here, and they remind us our size.

Absolutely. Well, I'll tell you, I'm so thankful that you're sharing your work with us, and I'm so glad to get to talk to you today. I appreciate you you're carrying so much important stories and messages that we all need right now, not just for dementia patients and their families, but everyone has somebody or some situation that needs care. I hope a lot of the Islanders are able to go see Mrs. Kelly's journey home. It's on February 5 that the Trenton Theater tickets are available in the links in the show notes here, or go to the Grizzly Historical Society website. They've got links there, too. But thank you so much.

Thank you, Ben. And one thing I will also say is thanks to the Grizzlie Historical Society for getting behind this event and the whole idea of honoring our generation, the immigrants who came before us so that we could live the life that we live today is so important. And honoring that is a big part of this show. So I'm hopeful that it will help people remember their own stories and their own history, their own family history, and find ways to share their own stories.

Oh, I'm sure that'll happen. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Now that you've heard Brita Miller talk about the show, I'm sure you'll want to get it on your calendar. Links, as always, are in the episode Notes. We have a link to a full transcription in the notes. If you want to share the episode with anyone with hearing difficulties. You can follow the highlighted words while the episode flows. Mrs. Kelly's Journey Home is being presented by the Grosse Historical Society on February 5 at the Trenton Theater. I'm sure you've heard this many times already. It's one of many community programs the society organizes. If you get a membership, you can get a discount on tickets and contribute.

To preserving and sharing our islands. Deep history.

Links to the Historical Society 's website are in the episode notes, and that's where you can get a membership as well. What's the deal? Grosseal is produced by me, Ben Foe and Folk Media Productions. Look in those episode notes for past episodes and ways to help me bring more of our island's culture to the rest of the world. Thank you for listening to what's the Deal? Groceal.